I always considered myself a fearless person. I have been told I am. I could live in a remote forest or area all alone. I go on silent retreats, and love the inner journey of solitude and contemplation. I never feel lonely or scared. When I first got diagnosed this past June with what is considered probably the most severe terminal illness, I remained fear-less. I even scrutinized myself to see if I would begin to falter in my fearlessness. But I didn’t waver. First of all I don’t fear death. And second, I don’t fear a diagnosis given to me by people who choose, yes, choose, to live ensconced in the consciousness of a limiting and vastly unconscious material world. When a someone with little understanding of the all encompassing mind-body-spirit energy realm of pure consciousness, which imbues everything allowing for infinite possibilities to manifest (if we put our will behind it), tells me that I am limited by time and illness – I absolutely don’t believe it. If you don’t believe in something, you have no fear of it! Right? One of my favorite definitive quotes by Paramahansa Yogananda, my spiritual teacher is, “Everytime you feel limitation, close your eyes and say, ‘I am the infinite.’”
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Everything is stored in the body! Remember this. Fear, sadness, trauma, betrayal, low-self esteem, rejection – they all need to have a vehicle or container. Nothing remains suspended in the ether for too long; even an idea which becomes an emotion (if we allow it) starts out as a thought-form in the energy field of the body. So many books have been written on how one can heal himself of an illness by getting to the root of the emotional dis-ease, which inevitably takes the shape of a tumor or chronic disorder. Most women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer had experienced severe trauma or sadness in intimate relationships. When they work on addressing that emotional pain, and releasing that toxic energy, healing takes place. There are countless people who have experienced spontaneous remissions of deadly diseases by merely going within to do inner work, and then bingo….their disease disappeared. This is what I am doing. Every day. While the doctors put IV’s in my veins, and administer various treatments, I try to stay less on the surface, and be observant of what lies beneath the waves.
Some have wondered how I could remain composed, and not give into fear. It’s simple: I don’t entertain my mind with anything negative or fearful. That’s one reason I don’t watch TV. I don’t want anything to pollute my consciousness. I don’t think of things I do not want, or are not conducive to my wellbeing. And above all, I try to remain in the present moment, and don’t think of myself as any different than before. As a matter of fact I never once referred to myself as a cancer patient or ever said ‘I have cancer.’ Why would I associate myself with a disease? I am Claudia. I am not going to wear the badge of a victim. I would rather focus on ’the big task and opportunity’ I have been given to now fully succeed in my life! With objectivity, introspection, and emotional detachment each one of us can learn to detach from the concept of fear. The first thing to stop fear in it’s tracks is to remain in the present moment. Not to fantasize about what might or might not happen. Fear is not a thing, remember. It is only some-thing perceived by the mind. It has no shape or form; or real substance. Fear is simply a learned habit. It’s like a poisoned apple handed down from generation to generation. It might as well be called a habit, not an emotion.
There is a caveat when it comes to cauterizing fear and accepting change: Faith! You need to put your faith in SOME THING in order to conquer fear. That’s what I did. Most people might put their faith in doctors, but I knew to fully put my faith in God and My Self. To me, having faith in oneself is synonymous with having faith in the higher power which is God, or whatever you choose to call the Supreme Universal Power. I realized a while ago, that not to have faith in myself, meant not to have faith in God. Why? Because as Jesus clearly said it, ‘My Father and I are One’…‘Don’t ye know that ye are Gods?’ I see myself as being ONE with the Divine, that I am certain of. There are times when I get physically low, and have to muster up all the strength I have to remind myself of this magnanimous truth. And standing by this truth, I believe that what’s divine is mine! I have the power to create, to will things into reality, and to manifest on the same level as my Creator. WE ALL DO! The secret ingredient is FAITH.
Faith is the fuel behind any manifestation! When Jesus healed, he would ask the person receiving the healing, ‘do you believe?’ The person who ‘believed’ healed instantly. Faith is to believe in something before you see it manifested before your eyes. You have to believe it to see it! Faith bypasses mind and logic, it springs from the core of one’s being. To have faith in our own divinity grants us what we ultimately need to succeed! And that means having full fledged faith in ourselves. To succeed in anything you have to believe in your own power to create. I am excited to have the opportunity to show what we can all accomplish by connecting to our own source of power, drawing inexhaustible strength from the source itself!
In her groundbreaking book, Anatomy of the Spirit, medical intuitive and theologian Caroline Myss writes, ‘Habit is a hell to which people cling in an attempt to stop the flow of change.’ Do you realize that most suffering comes from our resistance to change? We are such creatures of habit! Unfortunately, most of them bad. Yet, we spend our lives trying to avoid any changes that might threaten our sense of false security, rather than accept the otherwise unavoidable truth that change is something we cannot control. If you can understand that change is unavoidable, and that change is nothing to fear, you can accept any circumstance in your life with a positive, rather than bleak attitude. I accepted this change in my life with gratitude, despite the grim reality other people might experience. My trial is a change for a better future, and I know that through this change I finally get to manifest my life’s purpose!
Even when I first learned about my diagnosis, I chose to go along with this sudden ‘change;’ not to oppose or deny it! And trust me, a sudden illness foreshadows immediate changes in every aspect of one’s life. So instead of resisting the inevitable, I conserved my energy and intuitively shifted my consciousness to my FAITH in a higher, pre-ordained purpose designed to unfold as a result of all this. I knew – there is a reason for all this! The Divine Creator, God, The Universe doesn’t make mistakes! That I am sure of. We are the ones who make a mess of things! We mess up our lives, our health, and create wars, then blame God for all of it. Part of integral healing involves taking responsibility for our own actions. Taking responsibility for our own thoughts and emotions, and the devastating consequences they might have on our health. *I will write more about this in Part 2 of this essay.
Caroline Myss writes in relation to how our thinking and habits impact our health, body, and spiritual evolution, ‘Make your choices wisely, because each choice you make is a creative act of spiritual power for which you are held responsible. Further, any choice made from faith has the full power of Heaven behind it. Faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain, said Jesus. Any choice made from fear is a violation of the energy of Faith.’ Acting on faith and exercising my will power is the key to manifesting the reality I want for myself. I hope each and every person reading this will contemplate on their incredible potential, and manifest health, creativity, abundance, and joy in their life, reversing the course of an impending emotional trial or illness. Ultimately healing and transformation lies in our own hands. We just have to acknowledge our fears and limitations, and move beyond them! Above all, we have to acknowledge our OWN divine power, and water it with abundant drops of Faith.